Sisters breaking off communication

January 8, 2009

Dear Amy: Over the past year, my 42-year-old sister has for some reason decided she does not need family anymore.

Recent columns

• He wasn't invited to niece's wedding

  January 7, 2009

  Dear Amy: I have been a househusband for the last 20 years. I have six sisters and no brothers. Recently, one of my sister's daughters was married, and I was intentionally not invited. Through the family grapevine, I learned that it was my niece's choice.

• Ex-boyfriend may not want 'closure'

  January 6, 2009

  Dear Amy: I'm happily married with four wonderful children. I have a great husband and a great career.

• Boyfriend gives her the cold shoulder

  January 5, 2009

  Dear Amy: My boyfriend of two years and I have been living together for four months. I uprooted my life and moved 2,000 miles to be with him.

• When friendship ends, let bride have the dress

  January 4, 2009

  Dear Amy: My best friend and I recently had an amicable split, realizing that we've grown apart and no longer have that close bond of friendship.

• Rabbi spreads the news about illnesses

  January 3, 2009

  Dear Amy: I belong to a synagogue that recently got a new rabbi. He has a policy that I find very disturbing. In the past, when a member of the congregation was ill or hospitalized, our former rabbi would share that information with senior clergy, and, if the person had requested help or visitors, with the chairman of the committee that arranged such things.

• Mother of the groom beside herself

  January 2, 2009

  Dear Amy: To keep the invitees to our son's wedding at a reasonable number, we chose not to invite cousins of the bride's and groom's parents.

• Cute boy overshadows quiet sister

  January 1, 2009

  Dear Amy: My two children recently performed at church with the youth choir. My 5-year-old son, who is very animated, was in the front row, so most of the congregation could see him. My 8-year-old daughter, who is quiet, was two rows away and also sang.

• Sour relative won't apologize

  December 31, 2008

  Dear Amy: A close relative has a miserable disposition with family but is the life of the party with everyone else. Everyone in the family has been repeatedly hurt by her behavior after bending over backward to make her happy. Nothing is ever good enough.

• Girlfriend has packed on some pounds

  December 30, 2008

  Dear Amy: My long-term girlfriend has gained some weight during the course of our relationship. She seemed happier and more confident when she weighed less.

• Daughter married to a jerk

  December 29, 2008

  Dear Amy: My 25-year-old daughter has two children and is married to a controlling, manipulative, verbally abusive man without an honest job.

• Best pal's gal should be off-limits

  December 28, 2008

  Dear Amy: Recently I've lost one of my greatest friends because I've been conversing with his girlfriend of six months, but he is confusing conversation with flirting. Within a day, our relationship has gone from friends to enemies.

• Some secrets should not be kept

  December 27, 2008

  Dear Amy: My best friend's dad has extreme anger problems.

• Smoking harms health, friendship

  December 26, 2008

  Dear Amy: We have become best friends with our neighbors, and we spend quite a bit of time together. Unfortunately, they're smokers. We're not.

• Young couple stops having sex

  December 25, 2008

  Dear Amy: My 18-year-old daughter has been dating her boyfriend for more than a year. They have been sexually active for more than half of that time.

• Readers offer more ways to replace traditional gifts with support for charities

  December 24, 2008

  Dear Readers: Recently I ran a letter from "Far-Away Family" that detailed the writer's effort to rework the traditional gift exchange. I suggested that the family could exchange holiday letters and family photos instead of more material gifts this year.

• Guest a hazard at holiday party

  December 23, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have a holiday party every year for about 60 people. Sometimes bottlenecks develop between rooms. If guests want to move from room to room, most people wait patiently or "slither" gracefully between the guests

• A question of grace for atheists

  December 22, 2008

  Dear Amy: I come from an atheist family. As I have grown up, I've come to draw my own conclusions about my beliefs. The majority of my family remains atheist because teachings of religion are "just not for them."

• Assume your gaydar is on the fritz

  December 21, 2008

• Couple don't like friend's cooking

  December 20, 2008

  Dear Amy: My husband and I are very friendly with a couple whom we enjoy very much. We vacation with them and spend time with them in social gatherings.

• Wife's brother's stay causes strain

  December 19, 2008

• Boyfriend's exes are too friendly

  December 18, 2008

• Ex isn't taking no for an answer

  December 17, 2008

  Dear Amy: I'm a 21-year-old female college student. I dated a guy my age for almost six months, but I ended the relationship last year. I didn't feel we were compatible. I do have some feelings for him, but I have told him that they aren't enough for me to want to get back together with him. We are still friends and hang out. A few days ago, he told me he is still in love with me.

• Passively aggressive couple in crisis

  December 16, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have been married for 27 years. My husband isn't successful professionally, so I support our family through a job an hour's commute away. Several years ago I found a bunch of porn videos in his home office, told him they were sexist and demeaning of women, and threw them away. I told him he had to stop or we were finished.

• Reach out to the less fortunate

  December 15, 2008

  Dear Readers: This is the time of year when many people choose to celebrate their own blessings by giving to others.

• Husband follows pals to strip club

  December 14, 2008

  Dear Amy: For several years, my husband has attended a "boys" golf weekend and other outings with a group of men in their 50s and 60s. Their activities are planned by other individuals. Until recently, I have always been supportive of my husband's opportunity to relax and spend time with his buddies.

• Couple consider taking a break

  December 13, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have been dating my boyfriend for almost three years. I am deeply in love with him and know that I could stay with him for years to come. I am concerned, however, because our relationship is the first serious relationship either of us has had.

• Wedding photo unappreciated

  December 12, 2008

  Dear Amy: My wife and I sponsored our son's wedding a few years ago. It was held overseas, and we paid for everything, including a photography session that resulted in some high-quality wedding photos. One was a portrait of our son and his bride.

• Discontinuing gifts to ungrateful relatives

  December 11, 2008

  Dear Amy: Every year my wife's two sisters and their families meet for Hanukkah and exchange gifts. Two years ago, when we first went to this annual event, the host sister advised us in advance about this gift-giving tradition, so we showed up with presents for all. We did the same last year.

• Adding sex back into relationship

  December 10, 2008

  Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for seven years. We're in our early 30s, have two children and a nice house, but truth be told, we aren't having enough sex.

• How to reward sister for mother's care

  December 9, 2008

  Dear Amy: My elderly mother recently had heart bypass surgery and elected to go home rather than to a care facility when she was released from the hospital. My youngest sister, who lives in the same city––my other siblings and I all live hundreds of miles away—has been taking daily care of her.

• Dad wants son to change name

  December 8, 2008

  Dear Amy: I'm a step-grandmother to a neat young man of 13. My stepdaughter had the child when she was 17, and she raised him for years as a single mother with no support from the father. Though my stepdaughter has sole custody, the child sees his dad on the weekends.

• Dressing up doesn't have to disguise the real you

  December 7, 2008

  Dear Amy: I'm in my mid-20s. I've spent most of my life in jeans and T-shirts. Dresses make me profoundly uncomfortable, and I don't exactly have the best body.

• Daughter's boyfriend may be a thief

  December 6, 2008

  Dear Amy: I need some advice on handling a terrible situation. My daughter, 27, is in a relationship with a friend turned boyfriend. They've known each other for about three years.

• Neighbors like freebie vacation home

  December 5, 2008

  Dear Amy: We own a vacation home that we occasionally rent out. It's not a rental machine, but we do try to screen tenants and rent it a few times a month to help with the mortgage. We rent it for $165 a night plus a cleaning fee—three-night minimum. The expenses run $1,000 a month.

• Teen feels pressure from aunt to drink

  December 4, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have been married for 22 years to a great man. We have two children, ages 19 and 16. My problem is my husband's family.

• Put nosy visitor in her place

  December 3, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have a problem with the mother of my daughter's school friend. She has no defined sense of boundaries.

• Never too late to make changes

  December 2, 2008

  Dear Amy: My wife and I have been married for five years. This is a second marriage for us both. Combined we have six children and three grandchildren.

• Hairdresser or drug connection?

  December 1, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have had the same hairdresser for the past five years. We have always had a comfortable and friendly stylist/customer relationship, until recently. I told him I could not lay my head back in the washing bowl because I had just had neck surgery.

• Dad's anger makes him an unfit parent

  November 30, 2008

  Dear Amy: I was dating a man for 2 1/2 years who was physically and emotionally abusive. We had a daughter together and he had "changed" so I thought everything would be OK.

• Teen, mom need to make peace

  November 29, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am a 17-year-old senior in high school. Up until a few days ago, my mom was my best friend. I had an outburst and said some very hurtful things to her in anger, including the fact that I couldn't wait to get away from her (and go to college).

• It's the holidays—time to heal family rifts

  November 28, 2008

  Dear Readers: I recently ran a letter from "In Tears," whose children don't include her in holiday celebrations.

• Amy's tips for making multiple meals go smoothly

  November 27, 2008

  1. Be organized. Calculate travel times and map the route to your dinner venues in advance. If the host lets you contribute a dish to the dinner, keep a cooler in the trunk of your car with your multiple dinner offerings or bottles of wine—and throw in a small box of chocolates for your hosts to enjoy later.

• Sisters divided over pregnancy in family

  November 27, 2008

  Dear Amy: My older sister and I are at odds about our 15-year-old niece's pregnancy (she is our younger sister's daughter). I have no children of my own, but I love both of my sister's children as if they were my own.

• Only one wants to marry

  November 26, 2008

  Dear Amy: What do you do if you're in a fantastic relationship with a compatible and good person, but the timing is off?

• Family in crisis after patriarch's injury

  November 25, 2008

  Dear Amy: My husband was in a work-related accident, resulting in severe brain damage. The doctors say he will never be the same. Before the accident, my children talked to us about everything; we were a very close family.

• Newlywed thinks of abusive ex

  November 24, 2008

  Dear Amy: I recently got married to a great guy. I sometimes feel as if he is not interested in me or that something is missing from our new marriage. I feel disconnected from him.

• Finders keepers for $1,000 surprise

  November 23, 2008

  Dear Amy: There was a story in the news recently about a child who found $1,000 inside a videotape at a Salvation Army store.

• Daughter drinking, doing drugs

  November 22, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have a daughter who is 18 and started college this year. She has started drinking and occasionally doing drugs. She believes it is possible to balance these activities along with studying.

• Anonymous letter about infidelity

  November 21, 2008

  Dear Amy: I received a typed, anonymous letter marked "Private" in the mail today at my business. It reads: "Your husband cheated on you. Or has been having an affair. I don't know which."

• Daughter Christian, boyfriend Muslim

  November 20, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am worried sick about my daughter. She's 25 years old and has been dating a man for more than a year. They are very serious. The problem: He is a Muslim, and we are Christian.

• Photo outlasts marriage

  November 19, 2008

  Dear Amy: I need to know what should be done with my daughter's wedding picture. The picture is a formal, studio portrait showing her wearing her wedding gown. It is a beautiful picture of her, and it hangs in my living room. The reason for the concern is that my daughter is no longer married. Her husband decided after six years of marriage that he "just was not happy." They divorced, and he married someone else.

• Her boyfriends are losers

  November 18, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am an attractive 30-year-old woman with a good job. I have been in three serious relationships. My previous two boyfriends were losers who took advantage of my generous heart to fill up their pockets with my money. But I stayed with each of them for almost three years!

• Dogs with 'issues'

  November 17, 2008

  Dear Amy: My neighbors seem to be intelligent and kind. However, they do not "get it" on a serious safety problem.

• Adventures in baby-sitting for pals' kids

  November 16, 2008

  Dear Amy: My wife and I frequently baby-sit a pair of very young children who are quite delightful, well-mannered and fun—until their parents arrive to pick them up. They suddenly switch into brat mode.

• Confront wife on Web affair

  November 15, 2008

  Dear Amy: My wife and I are coming up on our 15-year anniversary and are at a major crossroads.

• It's time to let Dad in on secret

  November 14, 2008

  Dear Amy: Two years ago my son told me that he is gay. He is living with a partner in a house that they own. I know he's happy, and I've accepted that this is the way he needs to live his life.

• Holidays and extended families

  November 13, 2008

  Dear Readers: Recent letters in my column have raised the question of how families should arrange their holidays to accommodate extended family.

• She doesn't go along with the crowd

  November 12, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am a teenage girl and the complete antithesis of the other girls at my school. Instead of being a guest at the party, I would rather be behind the scenes cooking/cleaning/serving.

• Brother's drinking a danger sign

  November 11, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am at a loss when it comes to my brother. He is 34, divorced with no kids and has four DUIs. He lives with our parents rent-free, and even though he has no driver's license, he drives to and from work. He gets drunk on the weekends.

• They'd like to avoid family parties

  November 10, 2008

  Dear Amy: Even though I love my family, we have not been very close for many years. I never hear from my sister or niece, unless one of them is having a lame barbecue or birthday party.

• With gift exchanges, teach evolution

  November 9, 2008

  Dear Amy: What is the appropriate way to cancel gift exchanges with our relatives living in various states whom we seldom see?

• The overbearing Answer Man

  November 8, 2008

  Dear Amy: Help me! I am married to a brilliant man. "Randall" is well-educated, gets all the answers right when watching "Jeopardy!" and reads voraciously.

• Family split on path to take

  November 7, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have an ethical dilemma. I am 49 years old and the eldest of five. We've known for many years that my dad fathered another child, who is now 45 years old, happily married and a professor at a top university.

• How to say thanks for greatest gift

  November 6, 2008

  Dear Amy: My son (in his 30s) was diagnosed with leukemia last year. It was a long, grueling year, but thankfully the disease is now in remission and is doing well. He received a stem cell transplant from an anonymous donor. All we know of this donor is that he was a young male from Europe.

• Ask Amy

  November 5, 2008

  Dear Amy: I've been having very strong feelings about a man who is a lot older than I am and is married. I'm a student at a high school, and he is a teacher. I know this sounds so wrong, but I can't stop thinking about him. I go through my day with him in the back of my mind. When I'm in class with him, I know he's looking at me, but I'm too scared to look back.

• Real estate agent isn't a real pro

  November 4, 2008

  Dear Amy: My husband and I are trying to sell our house. We have selected an agent with a proven ability to bring interested home buyers to the table.

• She's at a loss for the right word

  November 3, 2008

  Dear Amy: What do you think of a woman in her 40s who uses the word "whores" to describe 7th-grade girls? The girls in question are schoolmates of this woman's daughter and have limited to no experience with boys. One of them is my daughter.

• Money, gossip a bad mix at church

  November 2, 2008

  Dear Amy: I live in a small town and am active in my church. Our church treasurer shares information with her husband regarding the amount of money members contribute to the church. He then on occasion has relayed some of this information to other people at the local coffee shop.

• A selective flirt

  November 1, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have been dating a guy for about six months. The issue I am trying to deal with concerns the number of his female friends. He is a single dad who raised his daughter on his own. She is involved in sports, and so he became friendly with a lot of the mothers of his daughter's friends. Most of these women are single, by the way.

• The kids/no-kids showdown

  October 31, 2008

  Dear Amy: I've been married to a wonderful woman for three years. I am in my early 40s, have never wanted kids and had a vasectomy long before we married.

• Is he being taken for a ride?

  October 30, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am 20 years old and gay. I met a guy more than two years ago. We became friends and started hanging out. Within six months, we were living together—but not as a couple. I told him early on that I had feelings for him, and he shot me down. He made it clear that he was straight. After that, my feelings for him only grew. Now I really do believe that I am in love with him.

• She's tired of being dismissed

  October 29, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am 55. I have been with my domestic partner for 14 years. I was previously married for 18 years, and we ran our own business for 17 of those years.

• Niece needs to join the team

  October 28, 2008

  Dear Amy: About a month ago, my partner and I let his sister and her daughter move into our home. Their home was flooded, so they needed a place to stay while their house was being repaired. The problem I have is with the niece. She is 20 years old and does nothing all day but watch TV and chat online. When we get home, we have to cook dinner and clean the house.

• Barking up the wrong tree

  October 27, 2008

  Dear Amy: Please tell me if I owe my new daughter-in-law an apology. My son told me that his wife was planning on getting a dog for me as a birthday gift.

• Family might lash out about sexuality

  October 26, 2008

  Dear Amy: During the past two years, my beliefs and lifestyle have come to diverge significantly from those of my family. Much of my family consists of closed-minded, fundamentalist Christians who have proven themselves quite willing to abandon relatives under certain circumstances.

• She has too much time on her hands

  October 25, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have a lot of down time at my new job. With all this extra time, I have been studying and reading. These are activities I could never do at my previous job. As the new girl, does this reflect poorly on my worth ethic? When I have no assignments, what should I be doing? Something else?

• Mother wasn't a saint

  October 24, 2008

  Dear Amy: My mother passed away last year at the age of 86. My brother, "George," and I are the only survivors of our immediate family. I am 59, and he is 57.

• Mystery man is a cause for concern

  October 23, 2008

  Dear Amy: My daughter is in her mid-20s and has been in a relationship for a year with a never-married (we think) guy who is at least 12 years older than she.

• Baby-sitter may be out door

  October 22, 2008

  Dear Amy: Last week I walked into my room and found my cousin on my bed, making out with the baby-sitter, who is four years older than he is. I don't know what I should do or say to them. My parents really like this baby-sitter, and I'm afraid of what my cousin would do if I told on him.

• Husband is shadow of former self

  October 21, 2008

  Dear Amy: After kissing a lot of toads, I finally found my "Prince" more than 11 years ago. We had so much in common and were so in love. However, as with all relationships, things have changed. Now I am wondering what changes I should and should not accept.

• Keep focus on sister's pregnancy

  October 20, 2008

  Dear Amy: My mom called me up crying today to tell me that my 25-year-old sister is pregnant. She is not married. She has been pregnant for almost two months and has told some family members and friends, but she has not told me or my older sister.

• Post-divorce coping can last a lifetime

  October 19, 2008

  Dear Amy: My ex-husband and I split up four years ago. The whole thing came as a complete shock to me and especially to our three children. Since then, I have worked hard to keep their lives as stable as possible.

• Family's medical history is a source of stress for him

  October 18, 2008

  Dear Amy: My family has a history of cancer. I lost my mother to uterine cancer, my aunt had stomach cancer and my older sister died of breast cancer. I'm very worried and concerned about the health and well-being of my surviving younger sister.

• One man's stance on romance

  October 17, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am 45 and my wife is 40. We have been married for 15 years.

• She's had a year she'd like to forget

  October 16, 2008

  Dear Amy: The last year has been brutal. In addition to the death of a family member, being harassed at work and being diagnosed with diabetes, I learned that my boyfriend, "Dave," was cheating on me.

• Flirting with a bad outcome

  October 15, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am in a long-term, committed relationship with a wonderful man. I love him very much and am excited about our future together.

• A stalker-in-training

  October 14, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have a friend, "Robert." We're in college. He has stuck with our group of four friends and has no desire to expand his social sphere. The problem is that he focuses on only three people. I often feel as if he invades my personal space––even more so because he has revealed that his feelings for me go beyond the platonic.

• Is boyfriend a racist?

  October 13, 2008

  Dear Amy: I have been dating my boyfriend for about seven months. Recently, I was mad at him for canceling plans, and I wanted to see what he was up to, so I Googled him and learned that he has been posting on a white nationalist Web site.

• Help 4-year-old through 'rude' spell

  October 12, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am wondering what happened to children's manners these days. My 4-year-old preschooler frequently has friends over who just astound me with their lack of any manners.

• The grieving process

  October 11, 2008

  Dear Amy: I am a 12-year-old girl in middle school.

• The lonely dishwasher

  October 10, 2008

  Dear Amy: I recently moved into an apartment with three other girls.

• Your Valentine's say

  February 8, 2008

  Valentine's Day can bring out the best -- and regrettably, sometimes, the worst -- in people.

• After an affair, disclosure can lead to closure

  March 8, 2007

  Dear Amy: About 10 years ago, my wife had an affair.